Fornication, Adultery, Masturbation, Pornography, Oral & Anal Sex
Sayyidina Abdullah Ibn Mas’ud (RA) reported that Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) said to us: 0 young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes (from casting evil glances) and preserves one from immorality; but he who cannot afford It should observe fast for it is a means of controlling the sexual desire.
Is it wrong to Learn about Matters that are of a Sexual Nature?
By Shaykh (Mufti) Muhammad Ibn Adam (HA)
Question: Recently, a course was advertised in our city teaching aspects of sexual intimacy between married couples. Some people in our community objected saying that such a course goes against Adab and modesty. Are there any grounds for this ?
Answer: In the Name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
Islam is a complete way of life that provides guidance in every aspect of a believer’s life, from purity and prayer, to trade regulations, marriage and inheritance laws. There is little place for the separation of religion from the state, rather, Islam insists on adherence to the full spectrum of its teachings – from the fundamental articles of faith (aqa’id) and devotional worship (ibadaat), to financial transactions (mu’amalaat), social and communal etiquettes (mu’ashara) and moral ethics (akhlaq). Allah Most High says:
O you who believe, enter into Islam completely, and do not follow the footsteps of Satan. Surely he is an open enemy for you.” (Qur’an 2:208)
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace), being an exemplar of perfection, showed us the way to that which is of benefit in both worlds, even in the mundane realities of everyday life.
Imam Muslim (Allah have mercy on him) relates in his Sahih from the Companion Salman al-Farisi (Allah be pleased with him) that some polytheists approached him saying,”Your Prophet has taught you everything, even about excrement [i.e. etiquettes of relieving oneself].” He replied: “Indeed! He has forbidden us from facing the Qibla when excreting or urinating, and from cleaning ourselves with our right hand, and from cleaning ourselves with less than three stones, and from cleaning ourselves with dung or bone.” (Sahih Muslim 262 & Sunan Abi Dawud 7)
Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) relates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said:”Verily, I am to you like a father, I teach you [i.e. do not be ashamed in learning even the basics from me]. If any one of you goes to relieve himself, he must not face the Qibla nor turn his back toward it, and must not clean himself with his right hand…” (Sunan Abi Dawud 8)
Similarly, Islam does not neglect one of the most private moments in an individual’s life – namely, the sexual relationship between a husband and wife. Detailed and explicit rulings regarding sexual behaviour can be found in the Qur’an, Sunna and works of classical scholars. It is common to find scholars dedicating whole chapters in their works to this delicate, yet important, subject. Imam Abu Hamid al-Ghazali’s Ihya Uloom al-Din, Al-Tibb al-Nabawi by Imam Ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyya, Imam Ibn Qudama’s Al-Mughni, Imam Nasa’i’s Ishrat al-Nisa’, Imam Abu ‘l-Faraj Ibn al-Jawzi’s Sayd al-Khatir, the Ghunyat al-Talibin by Shaykh Abdul Qadir al-Jilani and countless other classical works deal with this topic in some detail. The major reference works in all four Sunni Schools of Islamic law (madhhabs) also discuss many aspects of sexual relations and what married couples may and may not do.
The reason for this is that a healthy sexual relationship is absolutely vital in marriage. Scholars today generally agree that one of the primary reasons for failed marriages is failed sexual lives. The root cause of marital discord is often sexual dissatisfaction, with problems in the bedroom often leading to unhappiness, frustration, and, at times, even divorce. Among the objectives of marriage is to satisfy one’s sexual needs in a lawful manner, and if either spouse is unfulfilled, the temptation to look elsewhere can become overwhelming. Often, a spouse will refuse to engage in a form of sexual activity, mistakenly believing it to be unlawful, which could easily sour their relationship. It is therefore of key importance for married couples to learn and understand the teachings of Islam regarding sexual behaviour.
Moreover, in the modern world, there is a kind of fixation with sexuality. The topic has been institutionalised in the school curriculum under the banner of “sex education”, where children are taught what some may consider shameful and sordid acts. The increasing pervasiveness of sexual imagery is affecting Muslims, with growing numbers becoming addicted to pornography and other unlawful means of sexual gratification.
In this environment, it is not only permitted but crucial to present the Islamic stance on this subject; otherwise Muslims will be left to learn about it from un-Islamic resources, damaging their character, spirituality and physical health.
Unfortunately, some Muslims consider any discussion on sex to be offensive and a breach of religious propriety (adab) and modesty (haya), unaware that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) himself explained this subject in considerable detail. Several hadiths describe how the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) taught men and women matters relating to sexual relations.
Imam Bukhari and Imam Muslim (Allah have mercy on them) both record a hadith in their Sahih collections, related by Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him), in which the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) was teaching his Companions the rules of having a ritual bath (ghusl), when he said: “When a man sits amidst her four parts and then exerts pressure on her, a ritual bath becomes obligatory upon him.” (Sahih al-Bukhari 287 & Sahih Muslim 348)
In this hadith, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) describes explicitly how a man might have sex with his wife such that it necessitates a ritual bath of purification. There are numerous other examples which illustrate the frankness with which the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) discussed these matters.
The Companions (Allah be pleased with them) also did not shy away from asking the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) questions of a sexual nature. In a famous incident, Sayyiduna Umar ibn al-Khattab (Allah be pleased with him) asked the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) about the permissibility of penetrating one’s wife from behind, i.e. penetrating the vagina, and not the anus. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) did not rebuke him for asking an “offensive” question, but waited until Allah Most High Himself revealed verses of the Qur’an to answer his question. (See: Sunan al-Tirmidhi 2980)
Remarkably, women also felt able to ask the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) questions of a sexual nature without any reluctance or being ashamed of such enquiry. Rather, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) did not shy away from answering them, even though he was shy by nature.
Umm Salama (Allah be pleased with her) relates that Umm Sulaym (Allah be pleased with her) came to the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) and said, “O Messenger of Allah, Surely, Allah is not shy of the truth. Is it necessary for a woman to take a ritual bath after she has a wet dream?” The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) replied: “Yes, if she notices a discharge.” Umm Salama covered her face and asked, “O Messenger of Allah! Does a woman have a discharge?” He replied: “Yes, let your right hand be in dust [an Arabic expression said light-heartedly to someone whose statement you contradict], how does the son resemble his mother?” (Sahih al-Bukhari 130)
Here, a woman has no qualms in asking the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) about something as intimate as a wet dream. Umm Sulaym’s statement, “Allah is not shy of the truth” is a clear indication that there is no shyness when it comes to learning about matters of Deen. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) used this phrase himself when he prohibited anal sex, saying:
Allah is not shy of the truth; do not enter women in their anuses.” (Sunan Ibn Majah 1924, Musnad Ahmad & others)
It is clear from the above that there is nothing wrong in discussing this subject for instructional purposes, as long as it is done with decency. In fact, it is a mistake to shy away from the teachings of Allah Most High and the Messenger (Allah bless him & give him peace), even those regarding sexual matters.
Imam Bukhari relates from Mujahid who said: “Sacred knowledge (ilm) is not gained by a shy person or an arrogant one (Sahih al-Bukhari 1:60)
Likewise, he relates from Sayyida A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) who said: “How praiseworthy are the women of Ansar; shyness does not prevent them from having a deep understanding of religion.” (Ibid)
Those who feel uncomfortable with this subject should keep in mind the words of Allah Most High, His Messenger (Allah bless him & give him peace) and the Companions: “Surely, Allah is not shy of [expounding] the truth” (Qur’an 33:53, Sahih al-Bukhari 130 and Sunan Ibn Majah 1924).
Modesty is, without doubt, a fundamental element of our religion, but when it comes to religious matters it should not prevent one from learning, but rather, modesty should be exhibited when learning about such matters. In the modern world, questions of sexuality are openly discussed, often indecently; why then should we, as Muslims, feel ashamed of learning the pure and decent teachings of Islam on this subject?
In conclusion, there is nothing wrong with teaching, studying and learning the rules of Shari’ah regarding sexual relations with one’s spouse. However, one should be careful not to violate the spirit of Islam of modesty, decency and bashfulness. Proper care should be taken of the language used and examples given. It would be wise that male students are taught by a male teacher, and female students by a female teacher. If these matters are taken care off, not only will this be allowed, it would fulfil a great need of the time, Insha Allah.
And Allah Knows Best
[Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa
Leicester , UK
Haram Fantasizing
By Shaykh (Maulana) Yunus Patel (RA)
There is no shortage of complaints when it comes to giving up sins and the struggle which ensues between individuals and their nafs, as well as Shaytaan.
This battle is inevitably on-going – till our dying day. There is no other way out, except to show the courage and bravery that every Muslim does have – when it comes to Pleasing Allah Ta’ala.
Yet another widespread weakness is that of Haraam fantasizing. Young and old, married and unmarried – thousands upon thousands, succumb to their runaway imagination when it comes to fantasy world and this in turn leads to even graver sin.
Allah Ta’ala granted us the power of Imagination for a beautiful purpose; but most people today utilize this imagination in filthy thoughts. The following is actually drawn from my Malfoozaat. It is an extract from one of the kitaabs. It is a prescription which I have given to many who have complained of the same. Alhamdulillah, it has been a means of cure for many. May Allah Ta’ala make it a means of cure for all that have this ailment.
“Haraam fantasizing is the spiritual disease of almost every person. It is abuse of the great, wonderful and amazing gift of imagination.
Haram Fantasizing
Why did Allah Ta’ala give us this gift of imagination ?
he imagination has been given to us so that it may be used to ponder over the Qur`aan Sharif, which entails stories of past nations and verses upon verses of Jannat and Jahannum and accountability. This is imagination was to be used for the purpose of taking lesson and strengthening our Imaan. It was to be used as a catalyst towards ‘Aml’ (action).
The imagination was not given to us so that we may indulge our nafs in filthy thoughts.
One of the main reasons why both men and women have this problem plaguing them, is due to their indulgence in lustful gazing.
After having cast filthy gazes at ghair-mahareem , or watching porn movies or paging through porn magazines, or reading explicit romance novels, there is desire and craving for more. Since ‘more’ is generally not possible … since the person may be married, or the object of one’s desire is a film star or supermodel or a Miss Universe or Mr. Universe, and there is zero chance of meeting the person, the person tries to satisfy these shahawaat (desires) by fantasizing.
But fantasizing is not going to satisfy desire. It will only increase desire. The person’s sickness will increase. His physical health will inevitably also suffer.
When the desire to indulge in Haraam fantasizing comes into the heart, then take your imagination to the Day of Judgement; stand before Allah Ta’ala’s Seat of Judgement and begin accounting for all your actions in this world. Think of how you will account for and what you will say to Allah Ta’ala when all these filthy thoughts will be presented to you.
Allah Ta’ala states in the Qur`aan Sharif:
“WHEN THE SCROLLS ARE LAID OPEN.” [SURAH TAKWEER 81 :10]
“THIS OUR RECORD SPEAKS ABOUT YOU WITH TRUTH : FOR WE WERE WONT TO PUT ON RECORD ALL THAT YOU DID.” [SURAH JATHIYA 45 :29]
Even though Allah Ta’ala is All-Knowing and well aware of all our actions, He has established a law whereby every action and every detail of every action be recorded and thereafter presented to us on the Day of Reckoning – in favour of us or witness against us.
Otherwise take your imagination for Haj : Picture yourself at the Multazam, making Tawaaf, making Sa`ee; picture yourself at the Raudha Mubarak, conveying Salaam to Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam), or take your imagination to your Qabr and the events which unfold in the grave after death. …Insha-Allah, this will a means of defeating nafs and Shaytaan as well as obliterating a filthy habit.
If you find yourself still weak against the demands of nafs and whisperings of Shaytaan, then immediately occupy yourself in that which is ‘mubaah’ (permissible). Begin conversation with your parents, or with brothers and sisters, or phone a good, pious friend, or listen to some Qiraat or Deeni talk… Occupy yourself in that which is Halaal and mubaah; otherwise nafs will ravage your heart and destroy your peace of mind and lead you to even suicidal tendencies.
Added to this, consider filthy thoughts as pigs. Just as we show aversion and absolute disgust on seeing a pig, so should we be disgusted with dirty thoughts – which fall in the same category as pigs. Both are Haraam (forbidden).
Furthermore, Haraam fantasizing leads to the evil habit of self-gratification, because there is no Halaal avenue to satisfy one’s desires. This is a rather disastrous weakness amongst the youth and one should ponder over the various harms which are too many, and these harms are spiritual, physical and psychological harms.
Satisfying one’s desires by masturbating is not permissible even if a person does not have the means to marry. Allah Ta’ala mentions that those who do not find the means to marry should remain chaste.
And those who do not find the means to marry, should remain chaste until Allah gives them resources by His Grace
Remaining chaste is thus a Divine command which is compulsory to comply with – therefore we will find the Ahadith presenting prescriptions to remain chaste (lowering the gaze, fasting, etc.).
As a prescription, the following harms should be read and re-read if need be, until it is understood that the harms long term are not worth the gratification that comes with the sin.
Haram Fantasizing
Some Spiritual Harms
1. Taufeeq of doing good deeds is taken away. The person is deprived of Tahajjud, of Tilawat of the Qur`aan Sharief, of associating with the pious, etc.
2. The person is deprived of knowledge and finds an aversion to people
3. The most dangerous is that the person will not be able to remain steadfast on Deen. (Allah Ta’ala protect).
4. Besides this, a person who satisfies his evil desires in this manner is cursed according to Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam).
Some Physical harms :
The following physical harms have been recorded by highly qualified Hakims, the equivalent of specialist doctors.
1. The bladder becomes weak and this leads to problems in respect to taharah – Wudhu/ salaah and other Ibaadah. There are many that are suffering with involuntary urinary and seminal discharges due to the indulgence in this sin, and they write mentioning the difficulties that are thereafter encountered.
2. It also weakens the nerves.
3. It causes some limbs like the legs to shake and shiver.
4. It causes pain in the vertebra column, the spinal column from which semen is ejaculated. This pain creates crookedness and twisting in the back.
5. It creates weakness in the brain and weakness of memory.
6. It weakens the sight and reduces the normal limit of vision.
7. It causes a person to become old before time.
8.It decreases the natural resistence of the body.
9. It causes harm to the four principle organs in the body : the heart, brain, liver and stomach.
10. It weakens the fine nerves and veins of the sexual organs, resulting in impotency.
11. Excessive loss of semen is in reality excessive loss of blood. In later years, it can be that such a person will not have the ability to father any children.
12. It causes an excessive loss of sperm by way of nocturnal emission (wet dreams).
Some Psychological harms :
It leads to:
1. Agitation and irritation over trivial matters
2. Lack of confidence
3 Disinterest in studying
4. Desire for isolation.
Much more can be stated in respect to the harms of this sin. So contemplating the above, should give every incentive to give up the sin. No one would like to contend with any one of the above problems and yet just one evil deed and the person has invited waves of calamities upon himself.
If evil desires still get the better, then Nikah is a simple solution. Where the evil desires are so difficult to suppress that the person engages in Haraam then Shariah says that it is Fardh for the person to marry. This is, of course, for those who the ability.
Nikaah, Zina, Fornication:
It is overlooked by Allah?
Nikaah, Zina, Fornication: it is overlooked by Allah?
Question: I have a cousin who has intentions of having his Nikkah done, to help prevent him form the sins of kissing, touching etc. He has all intentions of Eventually getting married to this sister. The parents on both sides are not agreeing to have it done. He was going to do it secretly, but now he has found something he believes is a way out?
Answer: In the Name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
Let us first look at the translation of the verse towards which you have referred. Allah Most High says in Surah al-Najm:
To Allah belongs all that is in the heavens and on earth, so that He rewards those who do evil, according to their deeds, and He rewards those who do good, with what is best. Those who avoid great sins and shameful deeds, only (falling into) small faults (lamam), verily your Lord is ample in forgiveness (53: 31-32).
Allah Almighty mentions in the first verse that those who do good and follow His guidance will be rewarded, and in the second verse, He describes such people by stating: Those who avoid great sins and shameful deeds, only falling into small faults, meaning falling into small faults does not exempt them from the address of the first verse.
The commentators of the Qur’an (mufassirun) generally mention two views from the companions and their followers (Allah be pleased with them all) with regards to the interpretation on the word “lamam”.
1. It refers to minor sins that may be forgiven with many different acts of worship and good deeds, as mentioned in another verse:
If you refrain from the most heinous of the things which you are forbidden to do, we shall forgive your (minor) faults, and admit you to a gate of great honour (al-Nisa, 31).
Then, the majority of the scholars agree on the fact that persistence on minor sins amounts to a major sin, thus one must also try his best to refrain from minor sins.
2. Lamam means to accidentally and inadvertently commit a sin, whether major or minor, instantly repent from the sin and never to commit it again. This has also been mentioned in another verse, Allah Most High says:
And those who, having committed a major sin, or wronged their own souls, earnestly bring Allah to mind, and ask for forgiveness for their sins-and who can forgive sins except Allah- and are never obstinate in persisting knowingly in (the wrong) they have done. For such the reward is forgiveness from their lord, and gardens with rivers flowing underneath (Surah Ali Imran, 135-136).
Therefore, the meaning of the verses of Surah al-Najm is either to commit minor sins (infrequently) or commit a major sin accidentally, and then to abstain from it instantly and repent from Allah Almighty. Such people will not be exempted from the rewards Allah has promised for those who are considered good-doers (muhsinun). (See: Tafsir Ibn Kathir, 4/327-328 & Ma’arif al-Qur’an, 8/211-212).
As for fornication and whatever leads to it, such as touching, kissing, embracing, informal interaction are all considered to be major sins. Allah Most High states:
Do not come (even) near to adultery, for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road to other evils (Surah al-Isra, 32).
Thus, any form of fornication is totally unlawful (haram) in Islam, and to say that it is only a minor sin is incorrect.
As mentioned previously, the only meaning of the verse of Surah al-Najm is that one is absolutely resolute on refraining from these sins but they accidentally occurred, and repentance is made at once. After this, it is hoped from the mercy of Allah that such a person will remain considered one of those do good (muhsinun).
However, the verse does not in any way mean that one may be casual about these things, and regard them to be minor sins, for that is a great error.
The brother should at once stop any informal interaction with the sister. If they fear falling into the unlawful, then they must talk to their parents about getting married. If the parents do not agree, then they should use the intermediary of someone their parents respect such as a religious scholar, to explain to them, and if all avenues fail, then they may get married, but for that they must consult a reliable scholar and discuss the matter with him.
And Allah Knows Best
[Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa
Leicester , UK
Is it Permissible to have Phone Sex
with One's Wife?
By Shaykh (Mufti) Muhammad Ibn Adam (HA)
Answer: In the Name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
Phone sex refers to sexual conversations between two persons over the telephone. It is defined as a telephone conversation between two people whose objective is to arouse, titillate and stimulate one another. The point of phone sex is to help the partner in achieving orgasm through masturbation. “Phone sex” is frequently put in quotation marks because sex is usually associated with at least touching each other.
Phone sex is very similar to cyber sex, although the latter is typically free of charge. Cyber sex is the logical continuation of phone sex on modern computer networks. It is often seen as a simulation of “real” sex, and participants usually try to make the experience as close to real life as possible. It can be considered a form of role playing that allows a couple to experience sexual sensations without actually physically being in each other’s company. (Webster’s online dictionary)
As far as the Islamic ruling on phone and cyber sex is concerned, obviously engaging in them with someone to whom one is not legally married is completely and decisively unlawful (haram). Intimate conversations with other than one’s spouse is without doubt immoral, sinful, blameworthy and unlawful, especially calling commercial sex phone lines and destroying one’s morals, ethics and wealth.
As far as legally married couples being involved in phone sex is concerned, there are two situations here:
1If the objective is to arouse one’s spouse and guide him/her in masturbation to the point of having an orgasm, then this would not be allowed. Masturbation is sinful, being prohibitively disliked, and having many personal and societal ill-effects that are known and recognised in sane traditional societies and by balanced people the world over. However, mutual masturbation between the spouses is permitted. (Ibn Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar, 2/400)
During the course of a phone conversation, it will not be permitted for either of the spouses to masturbate. It cannot be called mutual masturbation, as that is when one satisfies one’s self with a part of one’s spouse’s body. Thus, it will not be permitted for one to fantasize and play with oneself to the point of having an orgasm.
2If during a phone conversation, the objective is not to masturbate; rather the spouses are merely intimate, then this would be permitted. It would be permitted to have an erotic and sexual conversation with one’s spouse, provided one does not fear falling into masturbation or any other unlawful act.
It is completely lawful to think of one’s spouse in a sexual way, hence there seems no hindrance from fantasizing about one’s husband or wife.
If one avoids masturbation, but has an orgasm by merely having an erotic conversation with one’s spouse, then this also does not seem to fall into the unlawful, provided the objective was not to masturbate or have an orgasm.
Finally, if there is no need for this, meaning if the couple are not distant from one another, it would be best to avoid it, as it is also a form of wasteful expenditure. However, couples who are distant from one another may be intimate over the phone or internet.
And Allah Knows Best
[Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa
Leicester , UK
Employing Sex Toys During Intercourse
By Shaykh (Mufti) Muhammad Ibn Adam (HA)
Answer: In the Name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
Sexual relations between the spouses are vital and one of the most important aspects of marriage. It purifies and prevents one from falling into fornication and the unlawful. As such, the spouses may fulfil their sexual needs in any way they desire as long as it does not violate any injunction of Shariah.
Islam also generally abstained from placing too many restrictions with regards to bedroom behaviour; rather (with the exception of certain harmful and unhealthy practices) it left it to the spouses as how they should enjoy one another in their sexual relations.
From the various forms of pleasing one another, the usage of sex toys/aides, such as vibrators, dildos, lubricants, etc has become (or is becoming) a common phenomenon. Islamically, there is nothing wrong in using such toys provided the following conditions are met:
1. The toy must not be harmful in any way to the spouses, for inflicting harm upon your self is unlawful
2. The toy must not have an animate figure to it
3. It should not be inserted into the inner-private part of the women; rather only such toys should be used that stimulate the outer private parts, such as the clitoris.
If the above conditions are taken care of, coupled with the permission and consent of the spouse, then there seems no hindrance from employing such toys.
Having said that, it must be remembered that, it is unlawful to use such toys alone to alleviate one’s loneliness, etc, for this would be considered a form of masturbation, which is unlawful (haram) and sinful.
Therefore, if there is a fear that by using these aides/toys during intercourse with one’s spouse, one may be tempted to employ them when alone, then they must be avoided altogether.
And Allah Knows Best
[Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa
Leicester , UK
The Issue of Oral Sex
Question: I would like to ask a question which people have either shied away or have been afraid to discuss. I tried to look in some Islamic books but there is no clear guidance that I could find.
There are many married couples who are not sure about this but have not had the courage to ask including myself up until now. I would like to know what the Islamic shariah ruling is on the subject of sex between husband and wife. Is it permissible for the husband and wife to take or touch each others private parts in each others mouth?
I do hope that you will help with this.
Answer: In the Name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
Firstly, it should be understood that Islam is a religion of modesty and shame. It encourages its followers to be modest and not have the instincts of animals. Modesty is one of the things which distinguish a human being from an animal.
However, this should not prevent one from learning about matters relating to sexual behaviour. Then Sahaba (Allah be pleased with them) were never shy and ashamed in learning the truth. There are many incidents where the companions came to the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) and inquired about matters relating to sex. Even the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace), despite being very modest and bashful by nature, did not feel ashamed to discuss matters regarding the do’s and don’ts of sexual relations.
To proceed with the answer to your question:
The issue of oral sex is frequently asked. Many people shy away from it, whilst others regard discussing it offensive. However, those people who live in the “real” world will know the importance of mentioning this topic. Therefore, it is important to mention the Islamic perspective on oral sex in detail.
There are certain acts which have been clearly prohibited in Shariah, that are:
Anal sex
Anal sex is strictly prohibited in Islam. There are many narrations of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) which emphasize this.
In a Hadith recorded by Imam an-Nasa’i and others, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said:
“Allah will not look (with mercy) at the one that has anal sex with his wife” (meaning on the day of Qiyamah). (Sunan Nasa’i)
Sex during menstruation (Haidh)
The Qur’an has clearly and explicitly prohibited sexual intercourse during menstruation. Allah Most High says:
“They ask you (O Prophet) regarding menstruation. Say: It his hurtful and impure. So abstain from women (sexually) in menstruation.” (Sura al-Baqarah, V.222)
The above two things are clearly prohibited by the Qur’an and Sunnah. When books of Fiqh talk about what is lawful and what is not, they typically mention that a husband and wife may give pleasure to one another in any way they wish other than the above mentioned things.
Although not specific to sex, we can add the following:
1. Swallowing filth (sexual fluids of the wife or husband)
2. Needlessly getting filthy
These things are obvious as sexual fluids and filth is impure.
There are also certain acts which are disliked, but permissible, for example: Total nudity, excessive sexual intercourse, etc…
Oral Sex
As far as oral sex is concerned, there are two aspects to the issue. One being the moral aspect and the other the actual ruling regarding it in Islamic Law (meaning, to state whether it is Haram, Makruh or permissible).
With regards to the first aspect, there is no doubt that the act of oral sex (in its full meaning) is a totally shameful act. The mouth which is used to recite the Dhikr of Allah, send Salutations on the blessed Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace), recite the holy Qur’an and other things, can not be used for filthy and dirty things such as oral sex, especially if it includes the filth entering the mouth.
This is more or less what the scholars of the Indo/Pak mention in there Fatawa books and (according to this humble servant), this is the aspect (moral) they are referring to.
As far as the second aspect is concerned, which is the Shariah ruling on oral sex; this actually depends on what you really mean by oral sex. The term “oral sex” covers a wide range of activities, from just kissing the private parts to the actual swallowing of filth.
If “oral sex” means to insert the penis in the wife’s mouth to the extent that she takes in the filth, whether this filth is semen (Mani) or pre-ejaculatory fluid (Madhi), or the man takes the filth of the woman in his mouth, then this is not permissible. Taking the filth with all its forms in the mouth is unlawful. The fluids which come out are impure, thus make it impermissible to take it orally.
However, if the same act is practiced by using a condom (to prevent the sexual fluids entering the mouth) or the wife merely kisses her husband’s penis and the husband kisses her genitals and they avoid any areas where there is pre-ejaculatory fluid, then this should be (according to this humble servant and Allah knows best) permissible, although disliked.
It is mentioned in the famous Hanafi Fiqh reference book, and one regarded as a fundamental source in the school, al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya:
The Issue of Oral Sex
“If a man inserts his penis in his wife’s mouth, it is said that it is disliked (makruh), and others said that it is not disliked.” (al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya, 5/372)
This clear text from one of the major Hanafi books indicates that the scholars differed on the issue of inserting the penis into the wife’s mouth. According to some it was disliked whilst others totally permitted it. But it should be remembered that this is in the case when no sexual fluids enter the spouse’s mouth as mentioned in detail earlier. Due to the act being considered against the proper conduct of a Muslim, most scholars have held this practice to be disliked (even in the situation where one does not orally take the filth).
This is what I have on this particular subject. I thought that there was a genuine need to shed some light on it from an Islamic perspective. I hope I have been able to clear the queries people have had on this topic.
And Allah Knows Best
[Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa
Leicester , UK
Anal Sex with Wife
By Shaykh (Mufti) Ebrahim Desai (HA)
Question: I have had anal sex with my husband even though I knew it was haram. Is my nikkah broken? What should I do? Should I get divorce from him?
Answer: In the Name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
Assalāmu ῾alaykum wa Rahmatullāhi Wabarakātuh
You and your husband should make sincere repentance from this repulsive act and beg Allāh Ta’ālā for forgiveness, especially since it was committed knowing well that it was not allowed in the Sharī’ah. In a hadīth of Tirmidhī, the Prophet Salallāhu ̒alaihi wa Sallam stated that Allāh Ta’ālā will not even look at the person who commits such an act.
Despite the severity of this sin, the nikāh does not break nor is there a need for divorce. Instead, the husband and wife should make a firm commitment to refrain from this abhorrent act in the future.
And Allāh Ta῾āla Knows Best
Wassalāmu ῾alaykum
Ml. Abrar Mirza,
Student Dārul Iftā
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Dārul Iftā, Madrasah In῾āmiyyah
By Shaykh (Mufti) Ebrahim Desai (HA)
Question: I just want to know that i had anal sex with my wife but she is a non Muslim and i am Muslim boy … tell me what should i do now because i am really worried about that … and i did nikha with her and after that i heard that the same imam says that you cannot do nikkha with non muslim … and my wife religion is catholic .. (Christian) please give me the information i really appreciate that Regards
Answer: In the Name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
Assalāmu ῾alaykum wa Rahmatullāhi Wabarakātuh
To have sexual intercourse in the back passage of a woman is a major sin.
Rasulullāh Salallāhu ̒alaihi wa Sallam said: “Cursed is the one who has intercourse with his wife in her back passage.”[Sunan Abi Da’wud]
Therefore, it is important to make sincere Taubah (repentance) and Istigfār (seeking forgiveness) for committing such an evil act and also to make a firm intention never to return to it.
To marry the Ahle kitāb (people of the book, i.e. Christians and Jews) is permissible. However, one should think of the huge implications of such a marriage.
For example, If the husband is a Muslim, he would have to follow the commands of Almighty Allah by performing Salāh, reading Qurān and abstaining from sin; if he has a wife who is a non Muslim who is used to living a free life of mixing with Ghair mahram men, drinking, eating pork, listening to music and dancing, how then will he be able to fulfil his duties as a Muslims?
More seriously, what would happen when a child is born?
Children by nature follow the ways of their parents; As a Muslim, the father should ensure that his child follows the Deen of Islam, but how would he achieve this when the child is encouraged by its mother to attend church, dress un-Islamic, listen to music and eat pork?
How difficult would it then be for him to steer his children in the right direction?
These are issues that should be carefully thought of before getting married. However, since you have already made nikāh to this lady, it is your duty to present Islam to her and to the best of your ability, encourage her to embrace Islam. May Almighty Allah make this easy for you and guide her to the truth. Ameen.
And Allāh Ta῾āla Knows Best
Wassalāmu ῾alaykum
Ml. Zakariyya bin Ahmed,
Student Dārul Iftā
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Dārul Iftā, Madrasah In῾āmiyyah
Practical Steps to help Cure Habit of Masturbation
By Shaykh (Mufti) Muhammad Ibn Adam (HA)
Question: I just wanted some help. I am a 21 year old male and ashamed to say that I have a bad habit of masturbating. I just cannot stop this habit. Would you be able to give me some tips that would help me get rid of this habit?
Answer: In the Name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
To begin with, it’s good to know that you are concerned about this unfortunate practice, Al-Hamdulillah. This is the first step because masturbation is a sin in Islam. May Allah Most High make it easy for you to free yourself from this problem, grant you strength and make you, and all of us, pious and righteous individuals with whom Allah and his beloved Messenger (Allah bless him & give him peace) are pleased, Ameen Ya Rabb!
Masturbation is an extremely unhealthy practice, considered unlawful and sinful in our tradition, which has many personal and societal ill-effects known and recognized by Muslims and many non-Muslims alike. It affects a person in the long-run, ruining one’s marriage, impairing one’s physical health, reducing one’s ability to be proactive in the daily chores, and harming one’s religious and spiritual growth by distancing one from one’s Lord. Once an addiction is formed to masturbate, the habit continues even after marriage, and in some cases, till one’s old age. Masturbation can also lead to psychological impotence. Becoming accustomed to a specific form of sexual gratification, a man will prefer watching porn and satisfying himself instead of having sexual relations with his wife. Hence, this practice must be shunned immediately.
As for practical ways of getting rid of this habit, I suggest the following:
1. Take all necessary means to control your sexual desire (shahwa), and avoid anything and everything that may lead you to masturbate. As such:
a. Guard your gaze against casting it lustfully at women. Avoid going unnecessarily to areas where there is fitna and a greater likelihood of you seeing women dressed immodestly such as shopping malls and town-centers (especially on weekend nights). Try your best in finding alternatives for places of Fitna. For example, use your car to commute rather than a public mode of transport like the underground tube. When travelling abroad, do not wonder around the shops and coffee places at the airport; rather, go and sit in a quiet place and read a book. In the plane, try reading a book or going to sleep instead of looking around and chatting with female air stewardesses. If your work or studies involve being around a lot of women, consider alternatives. See if you can find a job where there is relatively less fitna, and if that is not possible, avoid spending unnecessary time there especially around immodestly dressed females. Make sure to turn your gaze as soon as you see anything inciting such as a billboard advertisement which has immodest images. Completely avoid places where there is casual free mixing of the opposite genders.
b. Do not watch TV even for news or sports. Avoid surfing the internet unnecessarily, especially when you are alone. When there is a need, try using the internet in a public place or when your family members are around you. In particular, avoid YouTube and other similar sites where there is a greater risk of seeing something Haram.
2. Always be around family members and other people; try not being alone unless when necessary. Do not sleep alone in your room, and do not have TV or internet to yourself.
3. Avoid bad company, and endeavor to stay in the company of the pious and righteous, in the Mosque, and with learned Ulama as much as possible.
4. Try and fast as much as possible, and generally eat less especially foods that may stir your sexual desire such as meat and dairy products.
5. Continually ask Allah, especially after the Fard prayers, to free you from this habit.
6. Involve yourself with acts of worship as much as possible, like reciting the Qur’an, Dhikr and Salawat.
7. Consider marriage. The jurists (fuqaha) state that if one is overwhelmed with sexual desire to the extent that they fear committing a sin, marriage becomes obligatory. Speak to your parents and start looking for a suitable spouse with whom you can fulfill your desires in a Halal way.
8. Finally, there is nothing more effective in helping you avoid this sinful habit than exercising your will-power (himma) and fighting against your lower, desiring self (nafs) and your sexual appetite. It may be a good idea to impose a monetary or another form of penalty on yourself every time the sin is committed. Continue the struggle wholeheartedly and you will see the benefits, InshaAllah. For more on this, read the books of Imam al-Ghazali (Allah have mercy on him) in particular his Ihya Ulum al-Din.
May Allah protect us all, Ameen.
[Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa
Leicester , UK
Pornography: Why it is Haram &
How to deal with it?
Allah says (what means): “Say: The things that my Lord has indeed forbidden are: shameful deeds whether open or secret…”
Faahishah is translated as “shameful deeds” because it refers to every bad deed that is noticeably ugly to human beings. In many places in the Quran, Allah (swt) refers to zinaa, adultery and fornication as a faahishah. In another verse, Allah (swt) refers to the marrying of one’s father’s wife also as being a faahishah because, like adultery, anyone with a pure nature will clearly see it as hideous. Allah (swt) also calls the crime of the people of Lut (as), homosexuality, a faahishah. Likewise to view pictures of nudity, sexual suggestion, intimacy between two people, or a person of the opposite gender who is improperly covered (Islamically) is also an ugly sin to anyone who wishes to adhere to piety.
Television
One of the most pervasive tools of pornography is the television. Shows like “Dawson’s Creek” and “Baywatch” have no other purpose except to display blatant degrees of nakedness and indecent scenes of intimacy. Movies also succeed in conveying lewd imagery by almost always including a love/lust story in the story line. However there are other forms of pornography on TV that are much more subtle. For example, most Muslims would not realize that the viewing of several sports events includes pornographic images. The swimsuits that are worn by both men and woman during the Olympics are iniquitously revealing. They expose the ‘awrah of a woman and a man for their respective genders and the opposite gender.
The word ‘awrah refers to those parts of the body which are Islamically prohibited to expose in front of another (either the opposite gender or the same gender). For example, it is a must for a woman to cover all of her body except for her face and hands in front of men who are permissible for her to marry – that is her ‘awrah. Likewise the man’s ‘awrah is everything between his navel and knees while in front of a woman or a man. The skimpy swimsuits worn by these athletes just don’t meet the Islamic dress code.
Underwear Ads
Another subtle example regards women who view advertisements that contain pictures of other women modeling bras and underwear. The ‘awrah of Muslim women in front of other Muslim women doesn’t allow these areas of the body to be exposed and hence it is haram for even a woman to view them.
It is also important to keep in mind that a person could be “clothed but naked” as Rasoolullah (saws) said. For example, competitors in races usually wear some sort of bodysuit that adheres very tightly to their skin and the exact shape of their body parts is apparent. This is almost equivalent to being naked, since it doesn’t take much imagination to figure out what is under such type of clothing.
Lowering the Gaze
When such images become prevalent in a society, what is deemed pornographic changes drastically. The very standard of modesty, which should be a defining characteristic of Muslim dress and behavior, will become degraded. The Islamic standard must be upheld. The true believer fears Allah’s judgement and knows that no act will go unaccounted for and that even his own eyes will bear witness against him on the Day of Judgement. Allah (swt) says: “Until, when they reach it (Hell-Fire) their hearing and eyes and skin will testify against them as to what they used to do.” Rasoolullah (saws) warned us that there is a zinaa of the eyes just as there is a zinaa of the private parts.
The Islamic solution to living in a society where pornographic images are so visible is to lower one’s gaze.
Allah (swt) says: “Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and Allah is well aquainted with all they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof… “
The scholars of tafseer say that this means that both men and woman are obliged to direct their sight away from that which is haram and that there is no harm in looking at that which is halal (such as viewing one’s spouse while they are uncovered).
In regard to these verses Ibn al-Qayyim (rahimahullah) says: “So He (Allah) put purity after lowering of the gaze and protecting of the private parts. For this reason lowering the gaze away from the prohibited things warrants three great benefits. The first of them is the sweetness of Imaan and the pleasure that comes from it, which is more sweet and pleasing than that which he diverted his eyes away from for Allah’s sake. Verily, whoever abandons a thing for Allah’s sake, He (swt) compensates him with better than it…The second benefit is a light in the heart and quality of intuition… and the third benefit is the strength of the heart and steadfastness and courage. So Allah (swt) would give him, by His strength, the ability of wisdom and substantiation, and the devil would flee from him as it has been mentioned in the saying, “Whoever fears his whims, the devil would race out of his shadow.”
Indeed, the opposite is also true. This is because the eyes are the most direct path to the heart. One who allows his whims to overwhelm him and indulges his eyes in the viewing of haram things has weakened his heart, corrupted his soul, and invited shaytan to control him.
Why is Pornography Haram?
“I just found out that at least one of my sons spent some time this afternoon (signed on as me) going to XXX rated (web) sites. They are 13 and 11. I am so upset, I do not know what to do. Insha Allah, it is a curiosity thing, but I am totally blown away by this.” (A mother in Sound Vision’s parenting forum)
Internet pornography is the latest media menace parents and anyone concerned about children and morality in general, must deal with. Pictures of naked women (its usually women, since most pornography caters to heterosexual men) and couples engaged in various forms of sexual intercourse, to name just a few of the contents of pornography, are not just reserved to the internet though.
For decades, ‘porn’ in various forms has been found in magazines, films, and more recently during a lot of prime time television.
The Internet is just the latest tool pornographers have found to spread their “art,” which poses a number of problems.
The pervasiveness of pornography on the Internet means Muslims need to consider once again the Islamic perspective on this issue while they use this new medium.
The Islamic Perspective:
“There is no room for anyone to say pornography is not Haram. It’s ab solutely Haram,” notes Shaykh Muhammad Nur Abdullah. He is the Imam of the Islamic Foundation of Greater St. Louis in Missouri.
“If someone is looking at someone committing Zina (sex outside of marriage) whether it is movies or pictures or the actual thing, it is all Haram,” he adds. Some of the proofs he gives for the prohibition of pornography in Islam include verses 30 and 31 of chapter 24 (Noor) of the Qur’an, as well as Ahadith that say what leads to Haram is Haram and that Zina is committed by the eye and the hand, even before a sexual encounter takes place.
He has openly discussed the problem of the Internet, pornography and Muslim youth in his Khutbahs. On a day to day level, he says he gets at least two cases daily of young Muslims, boys and girls, who come to the mosque and speak to him personally about this problem.
Dremali says the teenagers feel guilty, but they cannot stop looking at this material. They need a cure, they have become addicted.
“The person who looks at these things will always have Shaytan in his mind because he wants to commit these [actions],” he says. “Shaytan never takes the person immediately to commit adultery (he does it in steps).”
Dremali also gives a clear example of the role the Internet plays in being one of the steps leading to sex outside of marriage.
“The hand commits adultery by touching Haram and the person using the keyboard and using the mouse to look at these pictures, he or she is committing adultery,” he warns
“Unfortunately there are a lot of Muslim youth who are using pornography on the [Internet], and they basically use the Internet only for that purpose,” notes Taha Ghayyur, 19, who is National Coordinator of Young Muslims Canada.
Too often, though, parents are willing to bury their heads in the sand when the issue of pornography and their children comes up. “How do you know your kids don’t know about it?” asks Dremali.
The easy access to pornography on television (no longer reserved to just the very late night hours), on the magazine stands and the Internet makes it almost impossible to avoid, even if one’s intentions are clear.
In the case of the Internet, sometimes accompanying links or windows to pornographic websites or WebPages will suddenly open up, against the wishes of the surfer.
This however, does not mean parents should automatically assume the worst about their children.
Shaykh Nur Abdullah stresses the importance of openly talking to children about the problem, especially if they have been caught looking at such material. If parents don’t do this “then we are turning our face away from the problem,” he says.
“[the] Internet is good and bad,” says Dremali. “Allah gave us the brains to think where is the good way and where is the bad way. According to your choice Allah will judge you.
Some Statistics and Facts on Pornography:
Over 30% of sites on the World Wide Web are pornographic” (USA Today).
Looking for one thing, finding another:
“Our Internet search engine reports reveal a disturbing reality. In over 99% of the hits directed to our site, the person performing the search was looking for pornography, many looking for child pornography. To think, 99% used pornography search words inspired our project, Internet Intervention. Internet Intervention is a network of computers, hosting hundreds of websites, which direct the keyword searcher of child pornography to an Intervention Help Site. The very people that need it the most see our message of help. Click here to see a help website that you could have been directed to if you use child pornography search words on your search engine request.” (From the website of the Tonya Flynt Foundation, an anti-pornography website. Tony Flynt is the daughter of notorious American pornographer Larry Flynt)
A Multi Billion Dollar Industry
Pornography is a $12-$13 billion- a-year industry – more than the combined annual revenues of the Coca-Cola and McDonnell Douglas corporations. (From an Affair of the Mind by Laurie Hall)
Pornographic entertainment on the Internet constituted the third largest sector of sales in cyberspace, with estimated annual revenues of $100 million. Such marketing success has fueled an increase in the size of the pornography industry — $10 billion annually, according to conservative estimates. (Anthony Flint, Skin Trade Spreading Across U.S., Boston Sunday Globe)
HITS ON A PORN SITE:
Playboy’s headquarters received 4.7 million hits (electronic visits) in a recent seven day period. (Promise Keepers website)
PORN VIDEO RENTALS:
Porn video rentals soared to 665 million in 1996, accounting for 13.3% of video rentals in America. Profits of sales and rentals of porn videos was $4.2 billion in 1996. (USA Today, & UPI News)
ADDICTION TO PORNOGRAPHY:
Pornography consumption can be as “mood altering” and as addictive as narcotics. (A study by Richard Drake, assistant professor at Brigham Young University College of Nursing).
Studies show pornography is progressive and addictive for many. It often leads to the user acting out his fantasy often on children. (Victor Cline, Ph.D., Department of Psychology, University of Utah, Pornography Effects: Empirical and Clinical Evidence, pg. 24)
PORNOGRAPHY AND SEX ADDICTION:
The average age of first time contact of pornography among sex addicts is 11. (American Family Association Outreach)
PORNOGRAPHY’S EFFECTS ON FATHERS:
More sophisticated analysis reveals that men who had “purchased pornographic materials in the past year” had significantly lower marital, fathering and family-life satisfaction when compared to those who had not purchased pornographic materials in the past year. (National Center for Fathering)
PORNOGRAPHY’S AND SEXUAL ASSULT
Research gathered over the past few decades demonstrates that pornography contributes to sexual assault, including rape and the molestation of children. (Pornography Victims Compensation Act of 1992, U.S. Senate Comm. on the Judiciary)
Child molesters often use pornography to seduce their prey, to lower the inhibitions of the victim, and to serve as an instrnction manual. ( W.L. Marshall, Ph.D., Pornography and Sexual Offenders, in Pornography: Research Advances and Policy)
WHO CONSUMES PORNOGRAPHY:
A primary pornography consumer group is boys between ages 12 – 17.9 (Attorney General’s Final Report on Pornography)
PORNOGRAPHY’S EFFECT ON SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS:
Pornography distorts the natural development of personality. If the early stimulus is pornographic photographs, the adolescent can be conditioned to become aroused through photographs. Once this pairing is rewarded a number of times, it is likely to become permanent. The result to the individual is that it becomes difficult for the person to seek out relations with appropriate persons. (Jerry Bergman, Ph.D., The Influence of Pornography on Sexual Development: Three Case Histories, IX Family Therapy)
Pornography Addiction
By Ustadha Zaynab Ansari (HA)
Question: I have a pornography problem. I am 16 years old and when I am finished pleasing myself I often feel guilty and disgusted by myself and what I become at times for those couple of minutes. And now I have noticed that I am viewing gay porn instead. I know everything that I am doing is wrong and completely forbidden. I have started to stop myself but it is hard. I mean I don’t want to continue this habit of masturbating and watching porn, or even the factor of me being gay to come into play. I have been going to the mosque regularly and I have tried to increase my iman. I feel when I enter the mosque that I am secured and away from all things bad?
Answer: In the Name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
I pray this message reaches you in good health and spirits.
My teachers caution against looking at images, even those which may be permissible, simply because of the effect they can have on one’s heart, and the way they can be a door to the unlawful. It’s amazing (and sad) how seemingly innocent web surfing can deteriorate into time wasting, which, in turn can degenerate into the haram.
Here are some tips, which may or may not be helpful. Ultimately, Allah Most High is the only one who can assist you in subduing the lower self, which calls you to these sinful things. So please seek Allah’s guidance. Implore Him to give you an exit from these unlawful habits.
1. Once the door of pornography is opened, it is very hard to close. You will have to be firm with yourself, even unyielding, if you want to put an end to this habit. Shut the door to temptation by getting rid of your computer. This may sound drastic, but it is helpful to put this instrument out of your life, until such time you can use it for the good of your soul. If you can’t get rid of it, at the very least change out your hard drive and memory.
2. Look at how and when you use your computer and drastically change these habits. If you get online in private, then, from now on, only use the computer when others are around. If you look at these things at night, then refrain from turning the computer on altogether during these hours.
3. By looking at porn, you are willingly putting yourself in a situation in which you will consistently feel temporary, yet completely false, gratification. The problem with this type of “instant” gratification is that it leaves you empty, broken, guilty, and self-loathing. Why put yourself through this? True gratification only comes when you enjoy sexual activity through lawful means, that is, with a spouse. Anything else simply harms your heart and soul.
Finally, and most importantly, you must take steps toward sincere repentance. Sincere repentance consists of :
1. Turning away from the sin
2. Feeling remorse
3. Resolving to never go back
4. Changing one’s environment so that the temptation is removed
Please avail yourself of the beautiful literature on repentance. There are many Qur’anic verses and Prophetic traditions on repentance.
Allah Most High, says,
“Say: “O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah. for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.Turn ye to our Lord (in repentance) and bow to His (Will), before the Penalty comes on you: after that ye shall not be helped” (Az-Zumar, 39:53-54).
And the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “Allah the Mighty and Majestic accepts the repentance of His servant as long as long as his death-rattle has not begun” [At-Tirmidhi, Riyad al-Salihin]
Cultivate good habits, and Allah willing, these will replace the bad ones. Establish a connection with the Book of Allah by reading it and reflecting on it daily. Contemplate the noble example of the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, and the biographies of his companions, Allah be pleased with them, to see how you can implement these life lessons.
And, find good Muslim friends. This is of huge importance in fortifying yourself against temptation.
May Allah Ta’ala make things easy for you.